He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
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This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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