Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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