I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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