hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize