We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
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We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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