Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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