i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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