hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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