$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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