You just made me feel so damn special
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
