thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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