I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
