Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
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How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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