I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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