I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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