Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
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