last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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