I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize