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He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
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