Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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