it's not cheating when I paid for it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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