I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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