I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize