Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize