Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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