I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
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Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
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We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize