I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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