So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize