If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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