Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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