Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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