By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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