We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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