My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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