I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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