god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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