You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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