dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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