Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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