are you still at the devil's house?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize