We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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