in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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