idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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