I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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