Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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