eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Two words: nipple clamps
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