I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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