"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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