I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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