okay pat passed out under dana's car
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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