You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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